


Your boy boy b-b-b-b-b-boyfriend

by lococation



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternatively titled: How Many Ways Can the MSBY Christmas Party Go Wrong?, Jealous Miya Atsumu, M/M, Miya Atsumu is a Dumbass when Drunk, Miya Atsumu is a Little Shit, Pining Miya Atsumu, The Hinata/Sakusa Friendship We Need But Don't Deserve, The Inherent Eroticism of Gay Twister, The PR Disaster That is MSBY Black Jackals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28551012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lococation/pseuds/lococation
Summary: Atsumu Miya. Sexy, laid-back Atsumu Miya. World-class athlete Atsumu Miya. Stuck sitting criss-cross applesauce beside a Twister mat keeping score Atsumu Miya?“THIS ISN’T FAIR.”“Okay, Miya-san.”“LOOK AT THEM.”“No, Miya-san.”This was Atsumu’s plan: Go to the Christmas party. Steal away Hinata Shouyou with his good looks and irresistible charm. Have a homoerotic session of competitive twister with the Hinata Shouyou in question. Flip off Sakusa. Make out with Shouyou. Flip off Sakusa again. Success.Here's what really happened.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Sakusa Kiyoomi, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu
Comments: 16
Kudos: 243





	Your boy boy b-b-b-b-b-boyfriend

“Alright. Gather around, you hooligans. I have an announcement to make.”

The pitter-patter of footsteps stall around the court. Hinata Shouyou lands on the linoleum floors with a resounding thud, exchanging glances with Atsumu. Miya Atsumu, sexiest volleyball player and worldwide hottest bachelor, raises an eyebrow. Him and Shouyou have always had this- electric connection. Sparks from fingertips to balls to floors. Their connection? Irreplaceable. No one could ever-

“-tsumu-san? Atsumu-san? Can you help me call Omi-san? I wanted to talk to him about something.” Shouyou smiles. Shouyou  _ smiles _ . 

Atsumu grits his teeth. “Sure, Shouyou-kun.”

-

“Well, I’m sure we could all agree that we’ve worked plenty hard this season. There’s no denying that MSBY has become an efficient, uh, well-sounded-”

“Captain,” Inunaki crosses his arms, “do you mean well-rounded?”

“Yes, sure, well-sounded, well-rounded, whatever. Tomato tomato.”

Thomas raises his hand.

Meian sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yes, Thomas?”

“Are you reading this from Coach Foster’s stack of cue cards?”

“For god’s-” Meian, the dignified captain that he is, crumples up the cards and chucks them across the room. Atsumu looks over to the far-corner of the crowd. Sakusa whispers something to Shouyou. Shouyou giggles. Shouyou, the  _ 22 year old  _ wing spiker, fucking giggles. Atsumu almost punches something.

“HEY! WHAT THE HECK, TSUM-TSUM?”

Okay, so maybe he does punch something.

“My bad, Bokkun. I’ll bring ya some onigiri later.”

“OKAY.”

“You better not go around punching people with your grubby hands, Miya. Wash your hands, Miya.”

“Don’t worry, Omi-kun! I’m sure Atsumu-san is super clean!”

“Sho-”

“HOLY SHIT.” Meian’s voice booms. He glares down at Atsumu. Atsumu, who is sweaty and pissed off at Sakusa and sweaty, is tempted to glare back. But then, Meian gives a particularly Kita-like stare, and Atsumu is down in an instant. He silently wonders if it’s a captain thing. 

“THE POINT.” Meian pulls out his iPad. It looks like it’s been through hell. There is a crack on every square inch of the thing except the home button. Meian has money. Atsumu  _ knows  _ Meian has money. Where is the money. Meian points at the cobweb of a screen. “HERE. THE MSBY ANNUAL CHRISTMAS PARTY. PLEASE BE IDIOTS  _ THERE _ .”

Bokuto raises his hand.

“YES BOKUTO.” Meian throws up his hands. The iPad flings out of his reach and hits the bench. Meian doesn’t even flinch. “THE CHRISTMAS PARTY IS INDEED HELD DURING CHRISTMAS.”

Bokuto drops his hand.

-

Atsumu thinks that Sakusa is stupid. Atsumu  _ knows  _ Sakusa is stupid. Shouyou, unfortunately, does not recognise how stupid Sakusa is. Atsumu kicks his legs up over the table. He’d understand if Shouyou didn’t like him because of how much of an asshole he was (as if Osamu hadn’t drilled the thought into his head since the ripe age of one), but that  _ clearly  _ wasn’t the case. Shouyou and Sakusa were allegedly “best friends”. Best. Friends. For  _ fuck’s  _ sake, Sakusa called Shouyou “Mr. Benched Because Of A Fever” when they first met. 

“To be fair-” Osamu wipes down a plate with aggressive precision. “Hold on. Get yer legs the fuck off my table, Tsumu. I’ll fuckin’ kill ya.”

“Pfft-” Atsumu stands up, leaning against the counter. “Whatever ya say, Samu.”

“Anyways, to be fair, ya’ did call him a scrub when ya met him.”

“Wha-” Atsumu gapes. He is  _ offended _ . “I was 17, Samu! The only people I liked were like, you, Kita-san, Aran-kun, and  _ maybe  _ Suna. In fact, the jury’s still out on that one. Omi-kun is fuckin’ 23!”

Osamu throws a dishrag straight onto Atsumu’s face. The bastard. Should’ve eaten him in the womb. “It doesn’t matter, Tsumu. This wouldn’t be a problem if ya’ actually learned ta’ use yer eyes for once.”

“OI!”

“Now get out of my store.” Osamu shuts the lights behind the counter, stepping out to whack Atsumu over his back. “Don’t cha’ got that christmas party to start preparin’ for?”

“What do ya’ mean, prepare?” 

“Figure it out, dumbass.”

-

Atsumu Miya. Sexy, laid-back Atsumu Miya. World-class athlete Atsumu Miya. Stuck sitting criss-cross applesauce beside a Twister mat keeping score Atsumu Miya?

“THIS ISN’T FAIR.”

“Okay, Miya-san.”

“LOOK AT THEM.”

“No, Miya-san.”

This was Atsumu’s plan: Go to the Christmas party. Steal away Hinata Shouyou with his good looks and irresistible charm. Have a homoerotic session of competitive twister with the Hinata Shouyou in question. Flip off Sakusa. Make out with Shouyou. Flip off Sakusa again. 

Success.

What really happened was more like this:

Atsumu Miya. Unsuspecting citizen Atsumu Miya, gets an entire Yule Log thrown right at him the moment he steps through the doors of Meian’s lovely home. In front of him, there is one (1) Bokuto Koutarou, frozen in place. His eyes widen in horror. He looks like an owl. He will die in 10 minutes. 

Hinata Shouyou, standing beside an art fixture of what looks like a melting-pink eldritch horror, is laughing it up with one (1) Sakusa Kiyoomi and one (1)...

“TOBIO-KUN? WHY’RE YA AT THE MSBY CHRISTMAS PARTY?”

“Shouyou invited me.” Tobio says, the smug bastard. He points straight at Atsumu’s black velvet suit. “Atsumu-san. Your jacket. There’s a Yule Log on it.”

And then shit hits the fan.

-

After Atsumu switches into one of Meian’s old hoodies, (he apologises a total of 23 times. Bokuto apologises a total of once and Akaashi does it the other 22 times for him) he recalibrates his plan. 

He lays it out, combing his fingers through his slicked-back hair. So, have a homoerotic session of competitive twister with Hinata Shouyou. Flip off Sakusa. Flip off Tobio. Make out with Shouyou. Flip off Sakusa again. Throw a pot roast at Tobio. Make fun of  _ his  _ outfit. Success.

What he  _ didn’t _ anticipate was Hinata Shouyou’s dump-truck build. The moment Hinata Shouyou and Atsumu Miya hit the Twister mat, Shouyou beamed up at Atsumu. He flashed a thumbs up, and said: “Don’t go easy on me, Atsumu-san!” And Atsumu felt his heart clench so tightly that he died, almost. Ten minutes later, they ended up practically curled around each other, and Atsumu prayed to every God under the Sun for strength. He has resolve. He has resolve. He is a world-class athlete. 

And then Hinata Shouyou ends up on top of him. In a bridge position. Barely floating above his lap. Atsumu’s face is right below his thighs. ATSUMU’S FACE IS RIGHT BELOW HIS THIGHS. Atsumu cannot think. His brain has officially melted into a bubbling pile of goop. There is blood going somewhere he doesn’t want it to. He does not want to apologise another 300 times to Meian for creaming his pants at a Christmas party. The PR team will never forgive him. Osamu will never forgive him. 

Atsumu collapses. Sakusa Kiyoomi, the bastard, flips him off. He gets up. Sakusa Kiyoomi takes off his mask. “Welcome to the bench, virgin.” He mouths. Atsumu almost commits third-degree murder.

-

So here they are, sitting on Meian’s daughter’s favourite bench beside the twister mat, watching Tobio and Shouyou duke it out in the twister championship of the century. Logically, they shouldn’t have lasted this long. Unfortunately for Atsumu, Tobio and Shouyou have quite literally been engaged in a silent duel to the death since they were in middle school. Atsumu thinks that Tobio’s pure rage at potentially losing to Shouyou is charging his tendons. Atsumu hates every second of this.

“Miya-san, I don’t get it.”

“NO. LOOK. SEE?”

“No, Miya-san.” The team’s PR manager, Yui-chan, frowns at him. “I don’t see what you mean.”

“LOOK. THEY’RE KISSING.”

“No, Miya-san.” Yui-chan keels over in exhaustion, shaking her head. “They are not kissing.”

“YES THEY ARE.”

“I-” Yui-chan steals the can of Asahi beer from his clutches, and chugs it down whole. “Yeah, sure, Miya-san.”

“Miya. Why are you torturing the PR manager.”

“Oh thank god, Sakusa-san, can you make sure Miya-san doesn’t do anything irresponsible? I would like to leave very much now, please.”

“Yeah, sure.” He eyes the empty can of beer. “Remember to use mouthwash tonight. I don’t know what kind of diseases Miya might have, but you can never be too sure.”

“HEY.”

“Thank you so much, Sakusa-san.” And with that, Yui-chan sprints over to the dining room.

“So,” Sakusa sits a solid 3 feet away from Atsumu. Atsumu didn’t even know the bench had that much space. Sakusa  _ puts on gloves _ . He needs  _ gloves  _ for this conversation? “Care to explain why you’re moping at our annual Christmas party? Even Meian’s 4 year old maine coon feels bad for you. It’s a cat, Miya.” He points at the cat in question. The cat in question is currently begging Bokuto for a slice of bacon. It does not look very sympathetic.

“What do ya’ know, Omi-kun?” Atsumu hugs the pillow. It smells like Shouyou. That being, sweat. They’re athletes. They all smell like sweat. (Except Sakusa, who, as Shouyou reported, smells like Miyagi winters.) But Shouyou’s sweat, Atsumu cries, smells like heaven. Imaginary Osamu kicks Atsumu in the shins. Imaginary Osamu calls Atsumu a perv. “WHAT? SHOUYOU SMELLS GOOD OKAY?”

Sakusa, beside him, visibly flinches. In fact, Atsumu would say that the entire room had visibly flinched. Atsumu has a headache. Atsumu no longer enjoys Asahi Beer. And then, Inunaki cackles. And then, Meian salutes Yui-chan. And then Bokuto salutes Yui-chan. And then Suna joins Inunaki, before whipping out his phone and frantically texting what he assumes to be Osamu. 

_ (“Sunarin? Oy’ the fuck are ya’ doin’ here?” Atsumu pours himself a drink, waving back to Shouyou, who’s setting up the Twister mat.  _

_ “I heard from Osamu that yer’ gonna make a fool outta’ yourself, so I gotta come see.” Sunarin points at Meian’s hoodie. There is an off-colour Pikachu on it with the words “Pukimon” written in neon comic sans above it. “Sakusa invited Komori, who invited me. Nice hoodie, by the way.”) _

“Miya. Miya. What the fuck.”

Atsumu looks at Sakusa, who looks at him, and also looks like the saber-toothed tiger from Ice Age. Atsumu feels Sakusa take the pillow away from him. Sakusa the saber-toothed tiger looks deathly serious. “Miya. Do you know. Do you know that you said. That out loud.”

“THE FUCK. THAT DOESN’T SOUND RIGHT.”

“Miya.”

And then Shouyou is in front of the couch. And Shouyou is, for a lack of better words, flushed like a ripe tomato. The kind that Osamu gapes at on his supermarket trips. Shouyou is also very cute. Super cute. Incredibly cute. Shouyou should be red more often. Atsumu buries his head in his hands. “Shouyou-kun, ya’ look so cute right now…… I want to eat your cheeks……”

Sakusa grabs Shouyou by the shoulders. Stupid Sakusa. Stupid cockblocker Sakusa. Stupid amazing teammate and wing spiker Sakusa. Him and stupid amazing rival and setter Tobio should leave. “Hinata. Is this really what you want to deal with. Is it really, Hinata. Is it.”

“I-it’s okay, Omi-san!” Shouyou takes Atsumu’s hands into his. Oh my god. Shouyou has  _ warm hands _ . Shouyou’s hands are  _ warm _ . “Um, can we talk outside, Atsumu-san?”

-

It’s only when Shouyou drags him to the nearest park that Atsumu realises the weight of his actions. The wind is  _ cold  _ in Osaka. How does Meian live like this? Meian’s stupid Pukimon hoodie is still soaked in beer, and tears, probably. The cold makes his sobriety come back, a little bit. Atsumu instantly wishes it hadn’t. He said that Shouyou  _ smells good _ . What the fuck, Atsumu. Do better, Atsumu. Sunarin was there, Atsumu. Shouyou heard you  _ say it _ , Atsumu. Atsumu screams internally. The Gods do not hear him.

“Well, Atsumu-san,” Hinata twiddles his thumbs. Fuck, he  _ twiddles his thumbs _ . Atsumu has the urge to sprint and dive into the neighbourhood fountain. There  _ has  _ to be a neighbourhood fountain, because Meian has money, even if his stupid 50 year old iPad says otherwise. 

“Wait, Shouyou-kun. I know whatcha’ gonna say.” Atsumu squats down on the floor, staring intensely at a tuft of grass. Yes, nice grass. Very green. Do not think about Shouyou’s thighs right now. Good grass. Great grass. You are an embarrassment. 

“You-” Hinata  _ beams _ , bouncing on his toes. Atsumu’s heart does a flip and cartwheels down a mountain. Yes, great grass. Lovely day. “You do?”

“Yeah, I do.” Atsumu sighs, resigning to a life of  _ painful _ ,  _ painful _ , pining. Maybe one day he’ll move on. Or he could just fork over 50 bucks to Samu and tell him that he wins. Atsumu will never be the happier twin. His stomach twists.

“You never want to speak to me again.” Atsumu deadpans.

“I like you a lot too!” Shouyou yells, at the same time.

“What?” Atsumu says.

And then he throws up on Shouyou’s sneakers. And then he blacks out.

-

When Atsumu opens his eyes, his headache hits him like a shit 18-wheeler truck. The room spins. Speaking of room, this isn’t his room. Whose room. What room. Atsumu is in pain. Atsumu is in pain and someone is laughing at him.

“Yo, Tsumu.” Osamu tosses him a packet of aspirin. There is a look on his face and Atsumu doesn’t like it. It’s the same look he made when Aran-kun drunkenly admitted that Samu was his favourite twin. Atsumu’s caveman instincts kick in. This is dangerous. 

“Samu, the fuck? Why am I in yer’ apartment?”

“Wait.” Osamu smiles. Teeth and all.  _ Oh no _ . “D’ya seriously not remember what ya did?”

Atsumu weighs his options. Atsumu is hungover. Which means Atsumu got drunk yesterday. Yesterday was the MSBY Christmas party. Shouyou was there. Osamu is smiling at him.  **_Oh no_ ** **.**

“Samu, what did I do?”

And then Osamu bursts out laughing. The guy clutches his stomach and all. He’s rolling on the floor. He might be dying. Atsumu hopes he does. Stupid Samu. Years of camaraderie mean nothing to him. “Che-” He heaves. “Check yer’ phone, Tsumu! Yer’ a riot!”

Atsumu ignores the panging sting in his head and reaches over to his phone. Fully charged. At least Samu had the goodwill to charge his phone for him. He hums, unlocking it. And then, he contemplates the benefits of instant death.

  
  


**Captain Meian**

_ nice PR disaster, rmb to wash the puke off my hoodie _

**Yui (PR)**

_ Miya-san….... _

_ Please call me back when you’re sober _

**Suna**

_ dumbass.jpeg _

_ ruinedconfession.vid _

_ atsumu _

_ ill buy u lunch _

_ i havent laughed this hard since 5th grade _

**Prick**

_ Miya. _

_ What the fuck. _

_ Gross.  _

Atsumu scrolls down his chat, and proceeds to drop his phone on his face. 

“Ha! Samu! Fuckin’ take that! Who’s the happier twin now!” Atsumu jumps up on the couch, almost banging his head on the ceiling. He pumps his fists in the air. His chest is  _ fluttery _ fluttery. That’s right. Miya Atsumu. On top of the world, baby. 

-

**Shouyou <3**

_ atsumu-san!!!! _

_ its ok!!!!!! _

_ i can just get new shoes!!! _

_ and btw!!!!! _ _  
_ _ i like u too!!!!  _ (／≧ω＼)

_ lets date!!!!  _

_ - _

**Author's Note:**

> wow yeah i haven't written a fic since my middle school homestuck phase and yet. here i am. atshn really just took the wheel and drove off a cliff with my sanity in tow. ANYWAYS, this was kind of based on moumo's tweet about atshn playing twister. i just woke up one day and decided "damn i really want atsumu to be embarrasing" also yes. this title is from "boyfriend" by big time rush. what about it.
> 
> PLEASE SAY NICE THINGS TO ME i am a stupid little creecher and i only work when people talk about the things i do. Thanks for reading! Happy new years!


End file.
